February 13, 1994 10:00 p.m.
R. This is how it is with Jesus: if He loves me so intently, all I need is to love Him with all my heart and we create a union. He is a sure thing. We fade in and out and this hurts His aching heart. If I love you unconditionally, and one day you love me and one day you do not, then it hurts my heart. He wants our steadfast love.
To love someone in little glimpses, but not be able to behold Him, this is our love with Jesus. We do not touch, we do not even see His face, we only have a silent love affair to be actualized at some point. To know that some day we will be united totally to Him, we will forever be with Him! This is longing! When you love someone, you long for total union, to be with that person constantly, to see that person's face, to embrace and love that person.
We must suffer this separation from Jesus now--to know Him a little, but never enough, to want to see Him, but only love Him silently. This is the only way I can be with Jesus now. I must accept this because this is all I can have now. He gives us close moments of His love sometimes, but the heart expresses many emotions: joy, sorrow, longing, wanting, emptiness. With Jesus there is intense longing, never emptiness, an ache in your heart for more, but inability to stop it.
Lord, give me all I need to have a closer union with You. Possess my soul, permeate my being, use me as Your vessel to do Your work. Satan constantly wants us to demand the ways of ourselves. Let me die to self and think first of Your glory. Let me reach with my soul and not my body to know You more. Open me to the realm of the soul. Holy Spirit, Spirit of love, teach me how to love all people spiritually. Teach me the ways to love. I am Your child. I reach out to You to give me these gifts.
Spirit of love, teach me Your way of love. Teach me to love as God wants me to love. Teach me to love God as You so desire. Teach me all I need to love You and my neighbor. I love You, God.